As a recovering people pleaser, I know how satisfying giving an initial “yes” response can be. Your friend asks you to go to a party, your family member asks you to do a favor, your boss is asking you to do more than your job function. My natural inclination was always to say “yes” even if inside I didn’t want to. I wanted to feel amenable and liked. There are so many instances in our day to day where we are so outwardly focused on others and making others feel comfortable, satisfied, and happy, that we lose sight on what truly satisfies ourselves.
Saying “yes” to experiences, people, and tasks that do not serve you joy, simply drains you of the limited energy you have the capacity to give. Learning to say “no” not only creates more balance in your life but it’s one of the more liberating ways to increase happiness in your life. Here are some thought starters to help you determine where to draw the line.
Looking at what fills your time on your calendar, makes you feel exhausted
Ever look at your schedule and see a lot of activities and events and instead of being super excited for them, you feel tired and somewhat dread the day ahead? *Raises hand* Filling your time with activities that deplete you not only does a disservice to yourself because you don’t really want to be there, but it also does not serve the company you are with. That other person wants you there because you want to be there, not because you feel obligated to be there. Just say no to events that don’t serve joy or do not provide a strong purpose for you.
Your heart is saying “no”
When you ask yourself “Do I want to do this?” and your heart is saying no but because of self-inflicted guilt or obligation, your head decides to say yes. Don’t ignore your heart! That little whisper of “no” in our heart is our intuition – our intuition is our power, it guides us into knowing what is right for us and what isn’t
There are no boundaries
Understand what your needs and priorities are. Once you understand what your top priorities are and what you feel is most important to you, it will become easier to say no to situations and people who do not align with what you value.